Toaster Troubles
by rockerkevin
Summary: Scorpion destroyes Subzeros toaster and they hit the town in search of a new one. This was written with the help of Dragon92. We want some reviews. Or we wont update it.
1. Spikes Up Your Ass

(This is a conjoined story between myself and my friend Dragon92 go to his profile for other great Mortal Kombat stories. Not that anyone ever reads theses author's notes... penis, bagina, bunghole!)

Subzero sat with the remote in his hand. He turned on the T.V. and clicked to MTV.

"Today on Behind The Kombat," The narrator said. "The true story of Johnny Cage."

"What the hell are you watching?" Said Scorpion.

"Dude, it's Behind The Kombat. They are finally doing a show on our tournament." Answered

Subzero.

"Yeah, whatever. Where's the bread?" Scorpion said. "I want to make some toast. With butter!" He laughed manically.

"Check the second shelf in the pantry." Subzero answered.

"Oh here we go. Thanks." Scorpion said.

Scorpion sat on the couch next to Subzero after having put the bread in the toaster.

"So who is the story on?" Scorpion asked.

"Johnny Cage. You know the B movie star he was in Ninja Mime with Channie Jack." Subzero responded.

"Yeah I heard he got into some problems with drugs after that movie failed...miserably." Scorpion said, shaking his head.

"Oh be quiet the interview is starting." Subzero said frantically.

The T.V. showed Barbra Walters with Johnny Cage sitting in a chair across from here.

"So how much coke where you using a day?" Barbra Walters asked.

"Well it fluctuated man. Sometimes I thought I was almost off the stuff. But other times I just couldn't get out of bed without my dose of cocaine." Johnny answered with a deep breath.

"I also heard there was some trouble during the filming of your last movie. What do you have to say about this." Barbra questioned.

"Yeah, there where a lot of problems. The director would find me in my trailer passed out drunk covered in my own feces and urine. I mean just covered in the stuff, from head to toe." Johnny said as he put his head in his hands and started crying.

"Holly shit, I didn't realize how messed up his life was." Scorpion said in amazement.

"Yeah, hey you smell something burning?" Subzero asked while sniffing the air.

"Yeah I kinda...MY TOAST!" Scorpion leaped up and ran to the toaster. He quickly pulled out the two pieces of blackened bread. "Dammit...you son of a GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!" He said as he speared Subzero's toaster.

"What did you do now?" Subzero asked getting up from the couch. He soon noticed the toaster hooked on Scorpions spear. He then watched in horror as Scorpion repeatedly cast hellfire on the broken appliance. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing to my toaster?" Subzero yelled.

"Fucking thing burnt my toast. I was really hungry too." Scorpion answered with a smile on. Happy of his victory over the toaster.

"Well that doesn't mean you have to break it. You should have paid better attention to what you were making." Subzero yelled still in shock.

"Well soooooorrrrrrry Mr. I love appliances that burn my room-mates breakfast." Scorpion replied rolling his eyes.

"Ok whatever, but you owe me a new toaster." Subzero said.

"Fine, but I am not paying a carpet cleaner to clean the black stains from my hellfire." Scorpion replied quickly.

"Well still, wait don't we live on the second floor?" Subzero questioned. Right before hearing a yell from down below.

"What the fuck is this...bullshit!? There is a huge fucking ass hole in my ceiling. What happened?" Baraka yelled from the first floor. "I am gonna shove my blades up the ass and out the mouth of whoever did this."

Scorpion and Subzero looked at each other quickly and rushed out the door.

"Now what jackass? We can't go back home until that Tarkatan asshole calms down." Subzero yelled.

"Oh please, that guy is all talk and no game. I mean, he only has like three special moves. He wont do anything. Trust me," Scorpion answered very calmly.

Just then a loud yell came from the apartments. "Did you do this to my ceiling?" Baraka yelled at the mailman.

"What no I didn't do anything. I'm just a postman"- he stopped suddenly as a flying shard hit his throat.

"Lying sack of shit." Baraka yelled.

"Ok maybe I was wrong." Scorpion said frightened.

"Yeah, lets go now. Do you know where the car is?" Subzero asked.

"It is over near the dumpster." Scorpion said placing his arms behind his head.

"Who do you think you are, Ash Ketchem? Walking with you hands behind your head. That isn't even comfortable." Subzero said.

"Very funny. Lets just get going. Where can we buy a new toaster?" Scorpion asked turning to Subzero before getting in the car.


	2. Penis In A Vacuum

Scorpion and Subzero drove in silence for several minutes until Subzero started changing the radio stations.

_Don't go breaking my heart. I couldn't if I tried. Whoo whoo oh nobody knows it. _

"I love Elton John." Scorpion said as he started singing along with the song.

Subzero just looked at Scorpion in disbelief before changing the station.

_Why do you build me up, build me up buttercup just to let me down?_ _And mess me around and then worst of all worst of all you never call baby when you say you will._

Subzero and Scorpion looked at each other in silence and then broke out into song singing word for word of the classic song.

As the song ended another song started that Scorpion hated more then any other song in existence and he would do anything to not listen to.

_We are the whalers of the moon, we carry a harpoon_

"I hate this fucking song!" Scorpion yelled as he shot his spear into the radio which caused Subzero to lose control of the car and blow out a tire.

The two crashed into a ditch on the side of the road. "Dude, seriously is it "Break Subzero's Stuff" day? I mean come on first my toaster and now my radio and tire?" Subzero said in shock.

"It's no big deal." Scorpion replied calmly. "I just really hate that song. And besides I saw a auto store about a quarter of a mile back. We could use your ice powers to push the car really fast across the road."

"Fine." Subzero said in a deep breath.

As they entered the auto garage Subzero went to a man who was working on a car engine. "Uh excuse me sir but we blew out a tire. Could you please fix it for us." Subzero asked.

The man poked out his head from under the car hood and replied, "what...no sorry. I can't help you, only the head mechanic can authorize that."

"Oh ok where can I find him?" Subzero questioned.

"He isn't in right now. But his name is Jax. He is out celebrating his heritage by jumping around a fire and waving a dead rabbit wildly." The mechanic said before looking over Subzero's shoulder and saying, "sorry I have to go. It looks like some guy in yellow got his penis stuck in the vacuum again." The man then rushed off to help.

Subzero took a deep breath and said "Scorpion what am I going to do with you?" Then thought to himself "man that sounds really gay."

A man dressed in a loincloth, holding a dead rabbit, covered in paint with two huge metal arms came up to Subzero. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Yes you can, my friend and I just blew out a tire and I was wondering if you could get us a new one?" Subzero replied.

"Oh sure we can. I will tell my other mechanic to get right on it as soon as he helps some idiot get his dick out of a car vacuum. My name's Jax, nice to meet you." He said extending a hand for a handshake.

"Nice to meet you too." Subzero said shaking hands.

About a half an hour later the mechanic returned the car to Subzero with a new tire. After they both got in Scorpion turned to Subzero and said "you are never going to guess where my penis got caught today."

"Well it can't be the TOASTER or the RADIO cause you broke those. Hmm could it be a fucking vacuum cleaner?" Subzero yelled.

"How did you guess?" Scorpion asked in amazement.

"Well, you where yelling pretty loud when they where pulling it off." Subzero replied while driving down the road.

"Well you would yell too. That thing can suck harder then your mom. So what store are we going to go to?" Scorpion asked.

"Well the closest store that would have the kind of toasters that I like is Best Buy." Subzero answered.

After 10 more minutes of driving Scorpion saw a bus coming up that said senior tours on the side. "Watch this man." He said to Subzero while smiling.

"What are you going to do to that bus?" Subzero asked looking at Scorpion.

As the bus drove up next to there car Scorpion dropped his pants and shoved his butt against the window glass and mooned the seniors on the bus. They all looked in horror at him. Subzero's jaw dropped and he speed up the car.

Scorpion sat back down and zipped up his pants. "What the fuck dude? Why did you do that?" Subzero yelled.

"Cause they are old." Scorpion said in a assuring voice.

"Cause they are old?" Subzero repeated. "What does that matter?"

"It just does." Scorpion replied. "They are old so they need to see some hot ass."

"Yeah and I am sure they are just dying to see the ass of a dead ninja." Subzero said.

"Your mom was...OH!" Scorpion laughed.

"I am going to kill you." Subzero said.

"Bring it on blue balls." Scorpion replied.

"Oh just shut up. We are here." Subzero answered.


End file.
